Blog Post #8

The ethical issue I am going to write about relates to gay and lesbian adoption.  I picked this because I am an openly gay man who hopes to adopt one day, but some feel like adoption should be left to the straight families or families with a mother and a father.  I want to show that it is possible for a child to have two mothers or two fathers.

One ethical concept that is related to my topic is "the right to equal treatment under the law."  Shouldn't gay and lesbian couples have the right to adopt like everyone else?  Another ethical concept that relates to this is topic is oppression, and to relate to that I can look at the Five Faces of Oppression such as cultural imperialism.  Some people do not agree with the some of the things that gays and lesbians do and brings the whole group down as a whole when people generalize, etc.  Just because these two gay men or these two lesbian women did drugs does not mean that all of us homosexuals are druggies.  That is just something minor that people say about homosexuality.

For my research, I will be using books, especially ones that Jean Keller suggested for me, and I will be using academic journals to find research on studies that have been done to support my paper.  I know there is some research on gay and lesbian parenting in the library databases.  I will also use "The Five Faces of Oppression" in my paper as well.

On a scale from 1-10, I am at a 10.  This something I am very interested in.

I really don't have any questions right now, but if people think that there is stronger ethical concepts to address, please let me know.

-Mickey N.

Blog Post #7/8:

Welcome back to the adoptive mind of Michael!

Today, I would like to discuss what ethical issue that ensues adoption I would like to write about in my final paper. I wanted to pick something I could relate to and learn from for future reference.

The ethical issue I would like to analyze is the feeling of powerlessness in adoption. The main subjects in the adoption triad I will address are the adoptees and birthfathers and the evident powerlessness prior to birth and as we grow older. What makes this topic so interesting/important to me is the fact that I will be able to learn more about my subconscious thoughts and feelings. It's also important because it might answer questions I might have about my own life experiences and my birthfathers' experiences. I hope to address the disagreement between which group of the adoption triad possesses the least amount of power and why.

The ethical concepts that go along with the powerlessness issue in adoption can be found in the 5 Faces of Oppression by Iris Young, Adoption Nation by Adam Pertman, and the handouts given in class. The concept I would like to address most would be the oppression birthfathers are associated and faced with by almost everyone else in the adoption triad. Another concept would be the group in the triad with the least amount of power, the adoptees themselves.

The sources I intend to use in my paper would be the pieces mentioned above (5 Faces, Adoption Nation, and handouts) along with blogs relayed to us in class. I feel some of the information and articles on the blogs will help me convey the wanted theme on birthfathers. I will also use the book I read for review (Sherrie Eldridge's book Twenty Life-Transforming Choices Adoptees Need to Make) because the interviews and points discussed by Eldridge will perfectly portray what I need as information regarding powerlessness with adoptees.

On a scale of 1-10, I think I will for sure be writing about this same ethical topic at the end of the semester... so a 10.

I think I have a fairly great base for my paper, but suggestions are always welcome. Are there any more sources relevant to this topic that I should consider when writing? Should I analyze other groups in the adoption triad on powerlessness in order to compare the level of power?

Thank you for reading!

-Michael

Book Review: Black Baby, White Hands - Jaiya John

The author of Black Baby, White Hands is Jaiya John. He is known as being the first black baby to be adopted by two white parents in the United States of America just after the assassination of Martin Luther King Jr.

Being the first African American baby adopted by two white parents, Jaiya John had a unique experience growing up in the United States during the 1960s. Race was the most pervasive theme in this story. Adoption is also a primary theme in Jaiya's story. However, it is secondary to his issues with race because he was part of a white family and thus felt even more different from them rather than just by his being adopted. The third theme that weaves itself through John's story is that of family, his connection to his adoptive family and his eventual connection to his birth mothers' and birth fathers' families. Through reading the narrative it becomes clear that for some transracially adopted children love may not always be enough. Without blatantly stating his opinions and the telling of his feelings growing up, he makes a strong case against transracial adoption. That, or a guide for parents considering it, as John clearly explains what he wishes his parents would have done and said to him throughout his life.

In regards to his new family's way of life he says, "It was I, most of all, who was adopting" (p31). John provides an experiential account of what life was like for him growing up with white parents and a white sister in the predominantly white community of Los Alamos, New Mexico. He was a blessed child and loved by the people in his life but they were all white except for his even darker little brother Greg, who his parents had also adopted. He and Greg struggled growing up with few black role models in their lives."Black entertainers, athletes, and comics, and starving children in Africa: the images of Black folk that were available to us" (96). He and his little brother began to decide their normality in terms of how the media portrayed Black people. As we covered in class, the media is the most negative and stereotyping source of information on race so clearly this wasn't a positive comparison for him at such a young age. 

At this time in the nation's history, many people did not hide how they felt about racial issues and he always felt like the sore thumb that made his family stick out. When he was discriminated against his family would feed him the overused lines, such as: don't listen to them', and 'color doesn't mean anything'. Unfortunately in his world, it meant everything. "I was dealing with a host of race-related issues, and my parents' simplistic messages didn't cut it" (169). His parents wished that he could ignore others' ignorance and overcome it but he claims he was just not that strong as a young person. His mother also had trouble working with their hair which he says was incredibly painful. He was always sad that his hair was such an unnatural thing for even the local barber to try to manage. This differentiating aspect is another element of transracial adoption that was discussed in our class. Many of us came to the consensus that parents need to make an effort to understand how to treat these differences. Fortunately today, I think that information is more available than it was in the 1970s. Although his story will make the reader think twice about how easily White parents can deal with the issues presented by racial differences.

Being one of the only Black children in his school made him feel very insecure about everything, he claims he never felt as intelligent as the other white children in his classes. "As early as preschool I was conscious of physical aspect of my race...The children looked different from me but similar to each other"(36). By the age of five he was withdrawing because he felt so different; the force of the discomfort he felt wasn't enough to allow him to receive any acceptance from the other kids. He believes that if he and his brother had been taught by a black teacher at any point in their lives then that teacher would have seen that the boys' insecurities came from being black in such a predominantly white community. He claims, "I acted the 'good boy' so that the stereotypes I knew some of them had of Black people could not be confirmed through me" (104). This left him feeling alienated to other Black people as well. He felt that they would never accept him into their community completely either. He explicitly say, "I wished my parents could have known more Black people, anywhere, so that we could have had more naturally interacted with them " (272).

According to Jaiya John, White communities and Black communities are different in ways that really do matter. "Anybody who argued that there weren't distinct cultural differences between White Americans and African Americans wasn't living in the society I knew" (243). He finds this out when he moves far away to Oregon. Here, he goes to college and begins to interact with other people of various races whom he says acknowledged each other one way or another because they always felt their minority status. "Culture-more than just holidays and food-is a deeply subtle substance that is with us from birth" (35). As talked about in our class, many adoptees feel a need to find their birth parents or wish to look in the face of someone they have like features with. This is obviously important to John as well.

When he first leaves for college, he drifts from his family and identifies more with the Black community. He has conversations with his parents that he hopes will reveal what their reasoning was for adopting him. He wonders if it's for the 'ethnic spice' that we discussed from one of our class' readings. He finds out that his parents really just wanted to give him a better life. When his mother finally gets frustrated with him she asks if he would've rather them left him in foster care. He understands why she says this but says, "The expectation of indebtedness is the bane of the adopted child" (294). Later in his adult life John realizes that all of this soul searching may be hurting his adoptive family but tells them it's something he needs in his life. He feels that they simply will not ever understand the way he feels different from them but says he appreciates their efforts and loves them for the ways that they did try while he was growing up.

This book has infinite value when understanding race in adoption and getting an alternative point of view. Jaiya John repeats many of his points over and over again and can be a bit wordy at times, but this aspect of his writing definitely made his objectives clear to the reader. I was thankful that they hear his story, for it gives a variety of perspectives on the world that may not have otherwise been presented to me, as he drove his point home; there truly are fundamental differences between cultures. This should not keep us from loving, but it is important to keep in mind in terms of adoption ethics.

Book Review "Twenty Life-Transforming Choices"

Eldridge, Sherrie. Twenty Life-Transforming Choices Adoptees Need to Make. Colorado Springs:      NavPress Publishing Group, 2003. 1-288. Print.   

    Sherrie Eldridge is an adoptee that was given up for adoption at the age of a few days old. Eldridge is an award-winning author and public speaker. She is also known for writing “20 Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew” and her renowned adoption blog called Café Adoption.
    This is a work of personal narrative and a guideline on adoptee decisions that speaks directly to adoptees with a partial relation to others interested in the subject of adoption. Adoptees should be warned that this book has to deal a lot about negative connotations with adoption and the situations adoptees experience.
    Rating: 1) I highly recommend this book for both academic audiences and self-educating persons that would like to know more about the life of an adoptee (especially recommended for adoptees because of major relevance).
    I recommend that the libraries purchase this book because it helped me finally relate my life to something and other adoptee students here should have the opportunity to read it.
    Sherrie Eldridge’s book “20 Life-Transforming Choices Adoptees Need to Make” is a riveting read that addresses the issues adoptees face every day for their whole lives. The main idea that Eldridge tries to portray to her audience is the emotional road blocks all adoptees face and how everything that has happened to them since conception is in some way influenced by this category of negativism, whether it be conscious or subconscious.Her major objectives in this work focus on feelings from pain and anger to loneliness and self-esteem.

    I believe a major strength she displayed was, not only her relation to the subject, but also her knowledge of the major issues that adoptees experience throughout their entire lives; she even mentions many interviews of adoptees and adoption experts. Another major strength I would like to state about her writing, particularly for this book, is her addressing the biggest questions/issues adoptees face and the recommended beginning for betterment on those particular subjects.
    Apart from her strengths, I think the only weakness Eldridge exposes is her undying negative attitude attributed foul metaphorical images towards the many subjects she addresses. Prior to her actually addressing the many issues and questions she poses she places an intimately negative relation all readers can relate to in order to associate that particular topic. For instance, in the very first paragraph in chapter four she asks the readers if they have run fingernails on a blackboard and if they experienced the “physical and aural discomfort” it creates in order to make one cringe. I don’t believe that all of her metaphorical images are bad, but I do believe some of them could be replaced with a better example; such as a person telling themselves they are good enough for someone and they still back down from ever introducing themselves. This would set up a better associated feeling towards want for somebody than the negative ‘cringe’ inside somebodies stomach she portrays.

    The greatest theme I was able to associate from this text and the texts in class was the adoptees powerlessness in their lives. The article “Five Faces of Oppression” by Iris Young distinctly sticks out to me when addressing the powerlessness debate in adoption ethics and the congruencies with Eldridge’s “20 Life-Transforming Choices” because they both hint towards adoptees being “victims” according to Eldridge. “The powerless are those who lack authority or power even in this mediated sense, those over whom power is exercised without their exercising it; the powerless are situated so that they must take orders and rarely have the right to give them” (Young, p. 56). "Because our birth mothers made a choice for us that dramatically changed the course of our lives and over which we had no control, many of us have a foundational belief (often unconscious) that we don’t have the right to choose our own course in life. We feel instead that we are at the mercy of others" (Eldridge 1-288).

    I would also like to argue that Eldridge brings up entirely new ideas to consider when addressing adoption and adoption ethics because she goes on to state how the adoptee can overcome the issues mentioned in the book. After each chapter she writes a “How to Begin” section in order that particularly addresses adoptees and how they can overcome the issues and answer the questions they might have about their lives. These end of the chapter sections really shed light on the gray areas for adoptees who are lost and that seems extremely important when thinking about how adoption works.

    She mentions different emotions and feelings adoptees have and she goes deeper in analyzing them rather than just scratching the surface which we sometimes do in class. For painful feelings, Eldridge interviewed hundreds of adoptees and came up with four major styles of running from pain: numbing out, compulsive overeating, drug addiction, and workaholism. She gives examples of all of these methods of running and more, then goes on to discuss different ways adoptees think about pain and how they can embrace those painful feelings. She uses almost this exact method throughout the book, pulling from her own personal experiences and from interviews. This gives a completely new thought on adoption ethics because it makes us question, as readers, what we are going through and how we may compare to adoptees that are going through all of these different unbelievable experiences.

    From my own experience, I have actually been able to connect with this book much more than I have ever been able to in any other book. I can understand everything she touches on because I have felt the exact same feelings and asked the exact same questions she asks and answers. I have been able to analyze my own adoption story and draw educational conclusions from her chapters.

-Michael

Book Review: "The Kid"

Savage, Dan.  The Kid: What Happened After My Boyfriend and I Decided to Go Get Pregnant.  NY: Plume, 2000 246 pages.

     Dan Savage is writer for a sex-advice column, “Savage Love.”  He and his partner Terry decided to adopt a child, and this is their journey of adopting as two gay fathers. 

     This piece of writing is a memoir that entails the struggles that gay fathers go through when adopting in the United States.  However, Savage uses a lot of blunt comedy to express the struggles.

     Rating: 1) I highly recommend this book for same-sex parents wanting to adopt and to supporters of same-sex adoption looking for a heartwarming story. 

     Clemens Library already owns this book.

     One topic that this memoir touches on very well is open adoption.  Savage states, “In an open adoption, the pregnant woman, called the birth mother in agency-speak, selects a family for her child, and has a mutually agreeable amount of ongoing contact with her child, usually two or three visits a year, with photos and letters exchanged at set times,” (Savage, 6).  Savage describes as the adoption with no secrets.  He makes it clear that him and his partner decided to do this in the best interest of the birth mother, as both of them have high respect for her.  Still, the open adoption comes with challenges and fears.

     One fear Dan and Terry face is wondering what the birth mother will be like.  They start to learn about open adoption from their friends Bob and Kate.  At first Bob scares Dan when starts to tell Dan and Terry that the birth mother chooses the adoptive parents from a pool.  Dan goes into a state of questions in his mind after hearing this.  For example, he states, “The birth mom chooses?  She comes to visit?  What if she’s a drunk or a drug addict?  Won’t the kid be confused?  What is she wants her kid back?” (Savage, 46).  When Bob explains open adoption in depth later on, Savage gives the reader a better and positive understanding.  The description talks about the couple and the birth mother making a lot of decisions together to make sure they are on the same page.  Some people are probably scared of open adoption, but Savage’s friend Kate states, “In open adoption, the birth mom can come and that her baby is okay, and go on with her life.  She is empowered by her decisions and soothed by the information she has about where her baby is.  She knows, she doesn’t have to worry,” (Savage, 47).

     To support the case of open adoption, Savage describes the interaction that they have with the birth mother, Melissa.  Melissa is a gutter punk with a history of some drugs and alcohol.  A gutter punk is a homeless person by choice.  She is smart and intelligent, and she could find a job if she wanted to.  However, Melissa decided to be a gutter punk after a poor family history.  She scares Dan and Terry when she tells about the amount of beer she had the beginning of her pregnancy, but she stopped right away.  For part of the memoir, they fear the effects of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, but the ultra sounds show that the baby boy is healthy.

     Besides Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, the couple fears Melissa wanting to take the baby back after the baby is born.   However, she tries to comfort Dan and Terry saying she won’t change her mind, but Dan and Terry try to prepare themselves for the worst.  They wouldn’t even let their families buy any baby clothing or items because they didn’t want to jinx it.  In the end, Melissa does sign off on the adoption after coming to an agreement on visits and photo exchanging. 

     Finally, another challenge that Dan and Terry face with Melissa is deciding the name of the baby boy.  Dan and Terry wanted to name Daryl Jude while Melissa wants to name him David Kevin.  When they try to discuss names with Melissa, she becomes defensive and emotional.  She states, “I want to name him.  You can change his name later on, I don’t care.  But I want to give him his names and my family’s last name; it’s important to me.  When you adopt him, you can do what you want,” (Savage 138).  This part of the book gives the reader a deeper understanding of what the birth mother feels going through open adoption.  Even though her child is going through adoption, mother still face pains and emotions to the child they are caring. 

     Besides open adoption, another main topic of this memoir is the same-sex parenting topic.  First, Dan and Terry fear what society is going to say when they adopt their child.  For example, when the two attend a session for prospective parents, Dan sits in the conference room with a million thoughts going through his head as he looks around the room.  One of his thoughts included religion, and how prospective parents describe themselves in their letters.

     “More than half described themselves as Christian.  Not all Christians hate homos, of course, and some Christians are themselves homos.  But still, in America in the late nineties, it’s safe to assume that most people who go out their way to let you know they’re Christians don’t care for homos.  So, come to think of it, odds seemed pretty good that someone at the table believed that my boyfriend and I were going to hell, and had no right to take a baby down with us,” (Savage 15).

     Savage describes this behavior as being attached, “to our own oppression,” (Savage 15).  This is evident through out the book as well.  Dan and Terry continue to worry about what other people are going to think about two men being parents and raising a child.  Not only do they worry about themselves, but also about the baby.  During one of their meetings with Melissa, Dan says to her, “It’s something we’ve thought about.  He’ll have different experiences group up with gay dads than kids who grow up with straight parents.  There are places we won’t be able to go as a family, and times in his life he might catch shit for it.  Do you worry about this?” (Savage 133).  Melissa of course didn’t care about Dan and Terry being two men.  She describes them as “different,” (Savage 132), and she liked that about them.  However, Dan did ask some realistic questions about the baby’s future. 

     Finally, after the baby is born, Dan and Terry face some rough times when they travel.  During one experience on a flight to Chicago, the woman at the ticket counter thought that Dan and Terry may have stolen the baby because the he had Melissa’s last name and no mother.  Dan described how worried the woman looked, and she almost called security.  Now Dan and Terry carry the birth certificate around whenever they travel.  Still, the trouble didn’t end there.  The flight attendants and even one of the pilots asked Dan and Terry’s son, “Where is mommy?” or “Did these two boys steal you from your mommy?” (Savage 228).  The book depicts the challenges that gay fathers when taking care of their child.  Our society assumes that in order for a child to live he must have one mother and one father.  Plus, it’s interested that the woman at the ticket counter thought that Dan and Terry were stealing the baby because a woman was not present. 

     Open adoption and gay and lesbian parenting are the two main topics in the book.  However, the reader will find brief information the adoption laws of Oregon and birth father rights.  For example, “If a birth dad wasn’t around, it he wasn’t providing emotional and financial support during the pregnancy, under Oregon law he had already signed away his rights,” (Savage 49).  The birth father shows up at the very end of Savage’s memoir, and it turns out to be a good experience for Dan and Terry.  I recommend “The Kid” for anyone who wants to learn about a gay fathering experience.  It gives the reader a sense of gay adoption in a very straight society. 

-Mickey N.         

Blog Post 7: Losing Isaiah Review

    As a group, while we didn’t think “Losing Isaiah” wasn’t the most quality of films, it successfully presented many important ethical issues in adoption.

    First, the birth mothers rights were completely ignored. This is evident when Halle Berry’s character Khaila, isn’t given any papers when the adoption is finalized with Margret and Charles. Although she left her child in the garbage at the start of the film, she is still the birth mother and was not informed of what was happening with her child. The film did a good job at portraying the emotions of a woman who has lost her child. Halle Berry’s character was clearly a mourning mother, as she was caring for her friend’s children and never forgets about her own baby. It also shows both sides of a story, which is important in understanding a situation as complicated as this.

    The film displayed racial issues in adoption in an accurate way. The scene in the bathroom with Margret and Khaila was representative of the silent racism in society as they begin using race as a weapon against one another when it’s really the situation that they’re feeling hostile about. Another good example is the courtroom scene where Samuel L Jackson’s character is questioning Margret about how she’s culturing Isaiah and it’s clear that she isn’t introducing any black culture to him on purpose. It’s shown on the lawyer’s face that this is a problem for his case. The film blatantly states several times that a black child should be with it’s black mother. Whether this is proven to be true cannot be known because at the end both families come together to raise the child in both cultures.

    After watching the film, it seems that there are both positive and negative sides of adoption shown. An example of the negative would be the judicial fighting over who the child should live with, the emotional rollercoaster on both sides, and potentially scarring Isaiah. A positive example would be that he is not left alone in the hospital but has people he can rely on and a good home. However, the positive seems to outweigh the negative because it’s getting the issue across of race in adoption to the general viewing public.

Losing Isaiah. Dir. Stephen Gyllenhaal. 1995. DVD.

Judy Post 6

Michael Post 6

Mickey Post 7

Jenna Post 6

Blog Post #6: Different Views on Transracial Adoption

To begin this blog post, I will start with Adam Pertman’s chapter three in “Adoption Nation.”  One important comment that Pertman makes is, “…Incorporating an adopted child’s heritage and history into daily life is invariably invaluable,” (67).  As we have discussed in class discussions, this is true.  Pertman states that is possible if parents start, “establishing role models and making friends of that race or ethnicity,” (67).  I think that is one of the most important points to make about transracial adoption because transracial adoptees who have role models of the same heritage or culture will probably have a better view of themselves, and if they are struggling they can talk to someone. 

One thing from Pertman’s chapter that made me wonder was his comment on how adoption is, “helping to crack the walls of prejudice and intolerance on a broader scale,” (70-71).  He states, “There are innumerable white grandparents, uncles, aunts, and cousins, for example, who have surprised themselves with the unconditional love they feel for their new black or Asian or Hispanic relatives, and who have learned critical lessons as a result,” (70).  I understand where Pertman is coming from.  However, do these white grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins think about the cultural aspects as well or are they happy because the baby is growing up in a white culture?  I think the walls of prejudice can be broken only if everyone is on the same page with having the adoptee participate in cultural enriching activities.   I hope that made sense…  This part of Pertman's chapter made me think of the movie, "The Blind Side."  In the movie, Sandra Bullock's character decides to adopt a Black teenager and include him in the Christmas card.  However, when she sends the Christmas card out to family, the response from them is, "Do you know there is a colored boy on your Christmas card?"  While I like Pertman's optimistic view, I still think there is more that would need to be done for extended family to understand race and ethnicity.  

Now, looking at Kim Park Nelson’s article, “Shopping for Children in the International Marketplace,” you can see she has a very different view on transracial adoption.  One area I found interesting was Nelson’s discussion from the remarks on race in some of the authors she critiques.  She states, “These remarks illustrate parents’ denial of the complexity and difficulties people of color face in the United States because the authors only see how diversity benefits them, explicitly ignoring how it might disadvantage others,” (102).  I think her point can be true for some, but not all transracial adoptive parents.  Some parents may forget the issue or race, etc. when adopting because they may think that since the child is growing up with a white family that all their problems of race will go away, when it reality it will most likely not be like that.   It’s important when adopting to think of ALL of the child’s needs. 

Finally, one area from Nelson’s article that I did not like was her critique on books that guide transracial adoption.  While I understand that Nelson thinks the books sound like manuals for a new product, etc., I still believe it is important for perspective parents to have something to relate to when it comes to transracial adoption.  Transracial adoption, from what we have read, is a huge decision, and it takes a lot of time.  Perhaps perspective parents can find comfort in reading these books on the adoption process.  I believe Nelson is being a little too over critical on this part. 

-Mickey N.