Blog Post #4 Option 1:

This week's theme of open vs. closed adoption practices is an intriguing element of adoption that I have never fully considered before. Adam Pertman's book, "Adoption Nation" was a great source to learn about people experiences with closed adoption. He presents many good arguments for the importance of open adoption policies and does his best to sway the reader by pointing out all of the benefits of having open adoption records. Although he is clearly biased in the book, I'm going to assume that his description of events such as 'the Fredericks' story and the variety of inconsistent laws across the United States, are true. Pertman says, "The list of disparate, confusing, and conflicting adoption statutes and regulations runs from coast to coast" (Pertman, p56). He more than provides enough information to decide that openness in adoption is the right way to go. 

The Anita Allen readings provided a similar approach to the Pertman readings; it begins with a story about adoptive parents that ended up in an uncomfortable situation with their daughters birth parents. She follows up by describing two models of adoption called fusion and configuration. The configuration model is one where the adopted child doesn't know their birth parents until they become older, if ever at all. Whereas the fusion model is one where there is a relationship maintained. She says, "Adopting parents gain family members but birth parents do not lost family members" (Allen, p53). In my eyes, the second situation has a variety of ways that it could go wrong and it worries me a bit, for the psychological well being of everyone involved. However it could become a very good thing as well. Allen claims that she, "does not think legislators should outlaw contact between birth and adoptive families, or even discourage it" (Allen, p51). But she also doesn't think that adoptive parents should be forced to maintain a relationship with the birth parents if they don't believe it's a good choice. I also agree with her viewpoint here.

On Tuesday, when the speaker came to tell our class about her adoption story, she seemed frustrated by her inability to seek out her true history through the documents that have been kept from her over the years. She kept her spirits up and had a sense of humor but I felt like I could hear in her voice how much hurt it had caused her in the past. Her story is one that I feel for. I believe she's more than old enough to be able to search out the information that could potentially help her medically, and if she wants to find out who her birth parents are, if they're even still alive, I don't see many terrible downsides. Ultimately I think it's the real life stories that really hit me hard. The two women that have spoken to us thus far haven't been trying to convince the class to go out and work for open records, per say, they've simply shared their painful experiences. This is convincing enough for me to say that I think a certain level of openness in adoption records is important for every state and that they should become uniform throughout all of the U.S. to make it an easier situation to navigate for everyone involved.

Graded Post #3: We Are Loved

The speaker we had on Tuesday was an amazing experience to have. As a fellow adoptee I found that her story was the closest one that I could relate to. I relate to her talking about the shocking possibility of her meeting her birthmother completely unexpectedly because I had the same experience only I actually met her unexpectedly. I loved the way she addressed the subject of wanting to meet her birthparents but was hesitant to do so because she wanted to get over the loss of her adoptive mother first. That shows respect and I admire that.

On a different topic, I would like to address the readings for Tuesday from Chapters 2 and 4 in Adam Pertmans’ “Adoption Nation.” First, I would like to rant on this quote from Chapter 2. Pertman states, “I don’t look forward to explaining this to our kids, but there’s no sugar-coating the bottom line: Adoption was our second choice. / The mistake many people make with that knowledge is concluding that second choice means second best” (p. 45). Pertman, prior to these sentences, states that he and his wife tried everything to get pregnant but it never happened. I would be sort of hurt from this statment coming from an adoptee perspective. Even though my father would have made the correct ethical choice to tell me that I was their back-up plan I would still feel insignificant and unwanted… sort of an outsider even more than I would be if I was actually their first choice. Pertman does, however, try to address that we, as adoptees, shouldn’t take this numbing knowledge as us being a “second choice [meaning] second best.” I think adoptive parents will go through these discussion on ethical thinking and understanding but if we only stick together in the fight for understanding through love and respect for one another then we won’t feel lonely or feel “second best.” As adoptees we must understand that our adoptive parents made the choice to find us and guess what… they picked us out of everyone else in the world that was waiting for their turned to get adopted. When in thought we might be the “second choice,” we are the first ones that they love most now and we must respect them for searching us out and picking us over everyone. That is what makes us special and that is how we should live our lives… loved.

Posted by: Michael O.

Blog #4: Open Adoption, But Raised MY WAY

If I become a parent I want to make the decisions about how to raise my child.  I want to enjoy forcing them to eat to eat spinach and drink milk.  It is important to me that they learn a second language and take piano lessons.  If they are my biological children I know I am going to have to drag them into a psychologist’s office before kindergarten to get tested for ADD/ADHD.  This before a teacher would get on my back about them struggling to sit in a chair or concentrate on school work.  I want them to have a good sense of humor so I would probably expose them to books and shows that other parents might deem “inappropriate.”  My dad read me Kurt Vonnegut’s Welcome to the Monkey House as a Bed time story and our bonding time includes watching Conan o’ Brian.

                I would want these family times and decisions how to raise my children to me made between me and a spouse, and no one else, even if we adopted.  However, I can also understand the other side of adoption.  A birthparent, especially one who gave up the child for economic reasons would want some involvement in their child’s life.  They want to watch the child grow happy and healthy.  They might want to see if they develop similar looks and interests.  Giving up a child would never be an easy thing to do, for a woman it might be a choice she thinks about every day.

                Adoptive parents becoming panicky at the thought of parent-child families being disrupted by the birth-parents is a legitimate issue.   At the same time they should maintain a right to keep up to date on the growth of their child, and for some a few pictures a few every year might not be enough.  Anita Allen makes strong case with the couple of Sue and Brad being roped into an uncomfortable situation with their daughter Lynn.  In this case the birth parents wanted to fuse the families more closely then the adoptive parents would have liked, leading them to cut physical contact. 

                I agree with the couple’s choice.   The situation seemed to be getting out of hand and it was starting to interfere with their life as a family.  I think there would be a lot of other good reasons for couples to make a similar choice.  I know a case were a parent was very abusive and all contact was cut off with the mother. Her children, now pre-teens, are still upset by this decision by their adoptive parents.  But knowing the background of the mother it was the best choice.

                Anita’s ideas are convincing as they show that not all open adoptions are a good thing.  If I had to make a decision about an open or closed adoption I would try to go with an open adoption but would probably limit visits to a few times a year.  When the child is born if the birth parents tell me what they want me to give to their child as a parent, like a good education or if they want me to take them to church I would do my best!  However, after they are born I do not think the birth parents should have much of a say in how their children are raised.  But I do think they should have a right to keep updated on their child and possibly see them at least once a year.  

Blog Post #4: From adoptee to birth mother

To start of this week’s blog, I first want to address my reaction to Tuesday’s speaker.  It fascinated me to listen to an adoptee talk about her experience.  She is 48 and still looking for her birth parents.  I found this to be interesting because I wanted to get a perspective from another person on how the birth parent search may work for someone.  When she talked about being 18 and possibly running into her birth mother in college that gave me chills.  When told the class that she was in the library, came back to her dorm and talked to a middle aged woman on the way in, and then found out that woman was looking for her, I couldn’t imagine how that would have been.  It’s hard to try putting myself in her shoes because I grew up with my birth parents, and I don’t have to wonder if they are my birth parents.  Plus, how would I feel if a person who is practically a stranger came looking for me in this secret fashion?

I found it interesting too when our speaker talked about how she wants to see that someone looks like her, etc.  To relate that back to the YouTube video we watched, I wonder how many times she stops and wonders about the people she walks by everyday in the supermarket, shopping mall, etc.  I would be in constant curiosity.  Still, when she told us her sister doesn’t want to know her birth parents, it goes to show that every experience is different. 

To relate this to a reading for Thursday, I want to talk about Kathleen Scully Davis’ “A Love Story.”  It was interesting to read an experience from a birth mother who went to meet her daughter.  Plus, it was interesting to read a story where the family had an open adoption and welcomed in the birth mother with hugs.  Then the story went on to talk about how the daughter now calls her adoptive mother and birth mother, “mom.”  Again, it goes to show that all experiences are different, and that there is so much to take in with adoption.   It definitely makes me think about the possibilities that could happen if I decide to adopt one day.  I cannot say that these readings will prepare me, but they give me an idea of what an experience could be like for my adoptee and his or her birth parents.  Plus, I think it's okay if my child wants to know his or her birth parents.  I do not want to pretend that they do not exist.  

To close, I want to address my favorite quote from “A Love Story,” “Love isn’t enough.  Love does not conquer all.  Often, the greatest act of love is to give a child loving parents and some opportunities.  Personal experience in our now blended family shows me clearly that love parents don’t need to be related by blood to their children.  We are all children of God, or the universe, or life.  Each new baby deserves the best home, and sometimes the at isn’t the home of the biological parents.”  What a poignant and honest quote from a birth mother.   

-Mickey N.

Blog Post 3 - Option 1:

1.  Blog on your experiences writing your adoption homestudy.  Choose several of the following questions to address:

As you work on the home study, think about:

• Are the right questions being asked of you as a prospective parent?  If not, which would you add or subtract?  Are any questions simply puzzling—if so, which ones and why?? 

I wasn't really puzzled by any of the questions. I can see how they would all apply to being a good example and a healthy parent. What I think could be added however is a situational component. For instance, give them a difficult situation that they might someday experience with their son or daughter and ask how they would respond to it. Does it line up with the other areas of the survey, like the discipline section? It's easy to describe yourself as an ideal person on paper but coming up with a good solution to a possible issue is a better measure in my mind, to at least see if there is anything fundamentally wrong with the answer or to see if there are any discrepancies between that and how they said they were planning on raising the child. I don't know that those discrepancies should keep them from being able to adopt but the social worker could address why it was treated differently, and then assess. 

• Do you think your answers will give the agency a good sense of whether you’re likely to be a good parent? Explain.

There are so many different types of parents in the world and so many children that have ended up being incredible people or just the opposite. It's so difficult to say what a good parent is other than loving their child unconditionally and it's hard to get that from a written survey. The series of questions that I really liked that they asked were the ones involving 'cross cultural' elements. I think an adoptive parents answer to this would be important to hear. The questions about parenting philosophy are crucial too, it's important to know wether the adoptive parents have a plan in place for the best way they see fit to raise a child, so that there is some readiness for what could be ahead. Also, for the social worker to decide if they are ready, or able to give a child any type of structure in the future.

• Imagine: you really want a child and have faced years of infertility.  This home study and your social worker stand between you and your child. How do you feel about having to answer these questions and having to go through this process?  Are you learning anything new/different about the adoptive parent’s perspective on adoption?

I must be incredibly nerve-wracking. Also, if you had gone through years of not being able to have a child and wanting one very much, I would almost feel that it was unfair. Unfair in that there are unfit people parenting children all over, that don't treat their children well or don't do anything for their kids at all. It must be frustrating to see that around you and yet still have to prove that you have the potential to be fit as a parent. Or what if your background isn't ideal. Maybe you have issues with your own parents. How will your answers to those questions affect your ability to adopt? You probably don't want to lie, but what if the people in the adoption process that are allowing you to adopt don't think you're able to be a good parent but you know that you will/could be? How do you answer the questions in a way that is truthful AND shows all of the potential you possess? Despite all of the above, I think it's worth going through this to adopt a child. I also think it's great that social workers/adoption agencies take all of these questions into consideration for the safety and well-being of the adopted children. As long as other components are involved in the adoption process, it seems to be thorough and reasoned.

• How long do you think it would take you to answer all these questions, if you were to take this seriously?  Does this seem like too much time/too little time/just the right amount of time, given the importance of the decision to adopt a child?

If I were answering them with a spouse I think that some of the questions alone would take a few hours-days to discuss with one another and decide, how are we going to handle this or are we planning any significant changes in the future? Bringing a child into the equation means your decisions are going to affect that person for the rest of their lives. The smallest thing could have an impact, I think anyone (so everyone) with parents knows that in one way or another. It's important to carefully consider all of the questions with the other person, so I think it could potentially take days to answer each one thoroughly enough.

• Should non-adoptive parents have to go through a similar reflection process? It's hard to say whether or not non-adoptive parents should have to go through this... I guess there are some situations where the mother or father wouldn't be able to answer the questions very well depending on their background; maybe they aren't as well off or educated as people trying to go through the adoption process and that would make it hard to judge. Also, what would the outcome be if they weren't even close to the ideal parents? Would their children be taken away? Does not being able to answer these questions the 'right' way mean that they wouldn't have the potential to love their kids or provide for them?

Overall I'll say once again that I think it's good that the adoption process is thorough, for the sake of the adopted child ending up in a home with parents who are able to give them all the love in the world. Even if it is difficult for the people adopting, I hope that in the end it is worth it to them.

Blog Post #3 Does it Matter that I'm NOT Perfect?

I want to have children.  I might not come across as the type.  I'm rarely in a relationship and can hardly take care of myself let alone a kid someday.  Through all of my teenage years I hated babysitting and never thought I would want to have my own child.  But eventually, about a year ago, I’m 21 now, my maternal instincts kicked in and I did get slightly jealous of the beautiful twin boys my older cousin Jackie brought home from the hospital.  Her four year old daughter looked up at me and asked “Why don’t you have a baby yet?”  “Ahhhh… I have not met that pre-med student I’ve been planning on marrying since declaring a major in English and Theater,” I replied.

That same year I got put on medication to help me stay healthy.  I have to be the medication for the rest of my life, but I can’t be on it when I’m pregnant.  My doctor assured me that I would still be able to have children but I know that the whole experience of having a child for me is going to be very tough.  With this in mind I thought about what the adoption process might be like. 

The part I would be the most nervous for would be the interview with the social worker.  I guess this would be because I have no idea what exactly they would define as a suitable parent.  If a do marry a doctor, live in the suburbs, and plan on being a stay at home mom (no way) am I more likely to get to kid versus if I marry another theater/music freak and live in an apartment? How much of a difference does it make if one of us did not come from the Leave it to Beaver Family?  

I’ve seen the issue in my own parents.  My dad came from an incredibly stable household while my mom didn’t get so lucky.  I’ve seen how it has affected her as an adult.  My mother is a wonderful person but she worries a lot and has her confidence shaken easily.  Bottom line, ff her father had not been abusive she would not have these problems.   I’m sure that is what a social worker wants to protect a child from so I think it is important to ask these questions about family and relationships.   I just hope they do not judge based on previous generations of parenting.  My mom is a good parent. 

While I would want to be honest to a social worker I would worry about how sincere I should be.  What sort of judgments would they make about my family?  What would they think about certain health issues?  Would I need to go on facebook and get rid of all the pictures of the summer I turned 21?  I am not sure, but I would hope that all questions asked are truly meant in the best interests of the child.  

Blog Post #3: Home Study as a Gay Man

When looking at the home study question, for a majority, the questions are good.  The part I found troubling was where the adoptive parents have to describe their childhood, parents and current relationship with parents and siblings.  For me, those would be difficult questions to answer.  It’s not that I ashamed of my past, it’s that my past was hard, and looking my past makes me wonder if the social worker would be going, “What in the world?”  For example, my dad had an affair, divorced my mother, married a mail order bride two months younger than my older sister, he rarely contacts my siblings and me, etc.  Will my past affect my future for adopting a child?  Part of me thinks that a social worker might go, “He has some emotional problems with his past,” or “What if his past affects his ability to commit to a child.” 

When it comes to other questions, I think I would have good answers for my home study.  I expect to have a job within a marketing agency, I want a nice home, I have goals, confidence, etc.  If my current significant other and I decide to adopt someday down the road, he would be in good shape too.  He is a LPN studying to become a RN.  He is good managing his money and loves kids like I do.  I feel confident answering most of these questions.

Now, the big issue about my home study would be the whole homosexual aspect.  When I read the question about infertility, I laughed because I have accepted my infertility, being gay and all.  Then, I start to wonder how different we, as a gay couple, would be viewed with the social worker.  Would we be taken seriously?  My mother, a nurse, works with a gay doctor who has a partner and two adoptees.  She said that she also sees many gay couples come through the St. Cloud Hospital wanting to adopt.  This makes me happy when I hear that.  Still, of course it’s nerve racking to think about.  I can only hope things get better. 

Interesting fact: In an article that I read on livescience.com, a psychologist at ClarkUniversity has found that gay parents, “tend to be more motivated, more committed than heterosexual parents on average, because they chose to beparents.”  It’s not  like we can get pregnant accidentally…

~Mickey N.

Blog Post #2: Group Post on Cultural Imperialism

What is Cultural Imperialism?

According to Iris Young, cultural imperialism, "means to experience how the dominant meanings of society render the particular perspective of one's own group invisible at the same as they sterotype ones group and mark it out as the Other," (58-59). It also involves, "the universalization of a dominant group's experience and culture, and its esablishment as the norm," (59). Our group thought of it as generalizing in a way or focusing on the dominant stererotypes of society that a person uses to generalize one group, when in reality there is more to a specific group than the dominant norms.

Oppressed Groups and Benefiting Groups:

Young states that, "the dominant group reinforces its position by bringing the other groups under the measure of its dominant norms," (59). Social groups that are affected by cultural imperialism include men, women, American Indians, Africans, Europeans, Jews from Christians, homosexuals, heterosexuals, etc. Each of these groups ahs a dominant set of norms that society uses as a form of oppression.

Where oppression tends to be a problem and how it functions:

“These stereotypes so permeate the society that they are not noticed as contestable. Just as everyone knows that the earth goes around the sun, so everyone knows that gay people are promiscuous, that Indians are alcoholics, and that women are good with children” (p. 59).

Some great examples where oppression tends to be a problem in real life include, but are not limited to: home, work, politics, education, restaurants, church, etc. Oppression in the home is still a big subject because of the consistent stereotype of women being the caregivers and the man being the source of income. Movies about the workplace portray CEO’s and higher ups taking advantage of regular cubicle workers (such as the Peter Gibbons character in Office Space) making them stay for extreme amounts of overtime and unnecessary work. Gay marriage in politics is touchy because homosexuals are stereotyped as promiscuous. Asian-Americans are stereotyped as being amazing at math and that the parents push their kids for near perfect grades. During the Civil Rights Movement, African-Americans were shut out and shooed away from white restaurant owners. Even closer to home, here at St. John’s, the LGBT supporters wore rainbow buttons to mass that was being said by Archbishop John C. Nienstedt. These supporters were denied communion because apparently they were openly approving homosexual behavior.

Application to adoption:

Parents of Birthmother:

Parents impose their morals & opinions on their young daughters. Pushing them to a decision that may not necessarily be what they want or give them the time to choose for themselves. Wanting to not be cast out by their community and family, the young mothers do what they are told, regardless of how they feel about the situation.

Birthmother:

Society generalizes about birthmothers even today; they gave their baby up for adoption so it must have been their choice. This is where the component of invisibility comes in. Birthmothers are often misrepresented which can be hurtful for them. They feel like no one is their advocate and people don't understand their perspective. If they do not speak up, people would be none the wiser and continue to push these women towards adoption. When they're given the resources and choives to keep the childe, they have the ability to make the choice and less women will have to suffer the long term emotional consequences.

Birthfather:

Society's stereotype of birthfathers is that they aren't ready to be dads and therefore they don't care what happens with the mother and child as long as it doesn't become their permanent responsibility. Some are this way, others are not. This generalization hurts the birthfather in that they are often not expected or invited to make decisions about their child. If they want to keep the baby and try to raise it they are not always given that option and are emotionally scarred or have to fight for the baby, or both. This is another aspect of cultural imperialism, when the inferiorized party feels that they must fight back against the stereotype. The stereotype that they cannot care for their own child because they are men. Some even feel that they aren't entitled to anything so they take a step back, which only perpetuates the stereotype... regardless of whether or not they've meant to.

Adoptive Parents:

Most people wouldn't tend to think of adoptive parents as oppressive in any way; however, one important item to point out in relation to cultural imperialism is that they can be, but usually not actively. For example, couples looking to adopt tend to have enough money to support a child and they want a child to care for. They keep adoption agencies in business. The general idea is that they will give the child a better life than the birthparent could have for one reason or another. Both the adoptive parents and the birth parents tend to believe that this is the case in a situation where the birth parents cannot provide what is necessary for a new life to grow. There is no argument here to stop adoption, but it is simply a way of pointing out an oppressive group. One is generally seen as well off and therefore better suited to care for the child.

Child:

The adopted child has the potential for oppression in numerous ways. Depending on how they look, whether it is common knowledge that they are adopted, etc. Another aspect of cultural imperialism is that the 'inferior' group is "stamped with an essence," this is often in relationship to their bodies or outward appearance. So an example is a child adopted from Korea may not look like his/her adopted parents so they may get questions about being adopted or being Korean. They don't always welcome these questions because in some cases they do not relate at all to the questions being asked of/to them. But cultural imperialism is based on the notion that these outward traits allow for stereotypes that are not contestable.

Some examples:

            Joao Herbert: Brazilian adoptee deported from the U.S. for a drug charge, killed in Brazil.

            (JohnRaible Online Blog)

            Zach Wahls: Straight adoptee speaking on behalf of his mother’s for gay marriage.

            Stories of unwed pregnant mothers in earlier years being sent to secluded ‘birth houses.’

            Birth mother confessions on society thinking that they could possibly be called “sluts” by people they don’t even know.

(Resources: Iris Young, "Five Faces of Oppression")

See you next time!
Group Awesome

Blog Post 1: Option 3

Blogpost 1, Option 3: compare/contrast Pertman and Solinger’s depictions of the “babyscoop era” and of birthmothers. Does the addition of Pertman’s voice to the narrative told by Solinger, add anything to our understanding of this era (and/or vice versa)?

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I started out this class having what I thought was a pretty decent grasp on what adoption was all about. I come from a religious family and I had figured some of the history of adoption in this country as I'd heard of girls being sent away for a summer or 'to live with an aunt' who were really staying in homes for unwed mothers. I've also had a few friends that were adopted and known their parents. I've never actually met anyone that has given their child up for adoption though and this is where any knowledge I thought I had was severely lacking. The two articles Rickie Solinger's “Claiming Rights in the Era of Choice, Part 1: Awakenings” and Adam Pertman's "Adoption Nation" portray the "babyscoop era" in different ways. 

In Solinger's article she tells poignant stories of birth mothers who were coerced in various ways into giving their child up. She delivers the stories and then addresses the issues in a very informative manner. Proving that the stories themselves are enough to tug at anyone's emotions and that there doesn't need to be much more to show that what was going on at this time was wrong. Her message is this, simply stated, “Here I argue that adoption is rarely about mothers’ choices; it is, instead, about the abject choicelessness of some resourceless women” (p. 67). She does a good job of both informing the reader of what happened during this time in adoption's history and arguing her main point, that what was happening to birth mothers was a product of their lack of choice during a vulnerable time in their lives.

We already discussed in class that Pertman has an optimistic outlook on the topic of adoption. In his book I felt that he glossed over the difficulty of the time period, especially having read Solinger's article first. He included Linda's story about getting her son back which is interesting and also emotional but didn't hit me quite the same as the stories Solinger told. What I did appreciate however, was his continuation of the history. A sort of, 'where are they now?' section where he relates how he sees things that have changed. He addresses the homes that birth mothers are placed in, "Homes for expectant mothers still exist, though in much smaller numbers. They are provided by a few adoption agencies as housing for unmarried women trying to decide wether or not to parent their babies" (136). He also shows what is still going on, "Some fundamentalist Christian sects focus on pregnant teenagers whom they attract to special homes with promise that they'll receive room, board, and non-judgemental support" (136-137). Implying that these groups continue to brainwash and push young women into giving their child up for adoption.

Both articles provide quality information. Knowing where both authors are coming from makes a big difference in how one might view their writing. Pertman doesn't include all of the harsh truths that go along with the "baby scoop" era, while Solinger's may not have the most positive outlook. Both are trying to inform the reader of a time when women weren't really choosing for themselves and the stigmas that go along with everyone in the adoption triangle. Both acknowledge that most people have little to no information on the history or current status of birth mothers in America, what they went through and how it's still affecting them. I think it's important to have respect, an understanding, and sympathy for everyone that was involved in the triangle and to promote more positive outlooks on all aspects of adoption in the future.