When looking
at the home study question, for a majority, the questions are
good. The part I found troubling was
where the adoptive parents have to describe their childhood, parents and
current relationship with parents and siblings.
For me, those would be difficult questions to answer. It’s not that I ashamed of my past, it’s that
my past was hard, and looking my past makes me wonder if the social worker
would be going, “What in the world?” For
example, my dad had an affair, divorced my mother, married a mail order bride
two months younger than my older sister, he rarely contacts my siblings and me,
etc. Will my past affect my future for
adopting a child? Part of me thinks that
a social worker might go, “He has some emotional problems with his past,” or
“What if his past affects his ability to commit to a child.”
When it
comes to other questions, I think I would have good answers for my home
study. I expect to have a job within a
marketing agency, I want a nice home, I have goals, confidence, etc. If my current significant other and I decide
to adopt someday down the road, he would be in good shape too. He is a LPN studying to become a RN. He is good managing his money and loves kids
like I do. I feel confident answering
most of these questions.
Now, the big
issue about my home study would be the whole homosexual aspect. When I read the question about infertility, I
laughed because I have accepted my infertility, being gay and all. Then, I start to wonder how different we, as
a gay couple, would be viewed with the social worker. Would we be taken seriously? My mother, a nurse, works with a gay doctor
who has a partner and two adoptees. She
said that she also sees many gay couples come through the St. Cloud Hospital
wanting to adopt. This makes me happy
when I hear that. Still, of course it’s
nerve racking to think about. I can only
hope things get better.
Interesting
fact: In an article that I read on livescience.com, a psychologist at ClarkUniversity has found that gay parents, “tend to be more motivated, more committed than heterosexual parents on average, because they chose to beparents.” It’s not like we can get pregnant accidentally…
~Mickey N.
Great photo! I especially like the photo of the couple in the background and of the family in the foreground.
ReplyDeleteAs with Jenna, nice job discussing how answering some of the questions can be hard if you have a family or personal history that isn't quite "perfect". Fortunately, I think social workers aren't really looking for perfection (although lack of perfection may make it harder to be chosen by a birthmother in open adoption). But it is anxiety producing.
And I can totally understand how, as a gay man, this whole process feels more frought/difficult than for someone who fits more readily into the stereotypical "Leave it to Beaver" type family.
Social workers are SUPPOSED to have training to help them understand a variety of people can be good parents. But, as we'll read in Shattered Bonds at the end of the semester, there is still reason to be concerned that unconscious biases still affect social workers' decision making procedures.
So interesting what you post about gay parents! From what I've read, the same tends to be true of adoptive parents. After all, most adoptive parents have worked much harder to become parents than have most biological parents. So if you put the two together and have gay adoptive parents...??? You'll have to work at not being a helicopter dad! :)
Jean
Graded Reply #3
ReplyDeleteMickey,
Great job with this post! I really enjoyed hearing your perspective on some of the different questions. I too think that inquiring about someone's past is unnecessary because in most cases, our past does not define us, if anything, it strengthens us. And who knows...maybe that is something they are looking for too, just in the way you deliver it. If it is something that still appears to be a touchy subject, they may be a bit more concerned than if you are able to talk about it with confidence and show that you have accepted it and have moved on. Also, that is just one question of hundreds. Being confident and strong in the other questions will outnumber it.
I really like the quote you put at the end of your post about gay parents. I can see that being so true! Gay couples have to work so much harder in a lot of areas and adoption is not an exception. They don't just adopt for the heck of it...they have to WANT that child.
Thanks for sharing! :)
Katie
P.S. I LOVE the picture :)